GingerNinja.net

Is it just me? Do I have one of those auras that scream out pick a fight with me?

For about the fifth time since moving out to the sticks, I have had a confrontation with a fellow commuter - although I will admit that two of those were initiated by me in a stop sitting on me please kind of way. I am also pretty sure that most of these have occurred since the new Siemens trains were put on our line as the seats are narrower despite the fact that the commuters are getting wider.

Today marked a new low though. It got physical.

I had a gut feeling that I should have chose another seat, but for some reason I sat down in the aisle seat next to the guy with a big laptop case on his lap (use the fecking overhead luggage racks, people!) and was reading The Da Vinci Code. He was also puffed up. You know - expanding his shoulders out so as to ensure that he has lots of room. Something which his laptop case had already ensured.

Now, when I am sitting against the window I desperately try to ensure that I am squeezed as tight as I can be into the corner as I know that the seats are narrow. Similarly, when I am on the aisle seat, I try to get as comfortable as I can without getting the edge of the seat up my crack. This usually involves sitting at a slight angle. This was my tactic this morning and - of course - chummy decides to puff himself out a little more at the nerve of someone sitting next to him. I sighed and went back to reading PC Zone (yes, I finally got my subscription reinstated) when it happened.
Pressure.
Against my back.
Pushing.
Oh, FFS. This guy is pushing me off my seat.
So I lock up - I sit there ridged.
He hurrumphs and nudges me again.

Stop pushing against me he says. No please there - did you notice?
I’m not, say I (quite loudly so that others look around) you’re puffing yourself up. I’m on the edge of the seat.
I am not! replies my fellow commuter and follows this up with a two finger jab into my shoulder (I am facing slightly away at this point).
Stop *poke*
pushing *poke*
me
At which point I ignore him, mutter (you have to have a good mutter) and go back to reading my mag - quietly seething.

Now I have discussed this kind of thing with my mate Anton who is a CSO over in Westminster whilst he waits for his place at Hendon Police Training College to become available. What chummy did there was assault - pure and simple. According to Anton, I am within my rights to perform a Citizens Arrest and call British Transport Police to escort him off the train so I can press charges against him. Why didn’t I do this? Well, firstly I would have been late for work. Secondly, he would have either laughed or actually hit me. There was, of course, another option which I very nearly went for when we pulled into Stratford.
The evil option.
Tell him who the Teacher is in The Da Vinci Code.
You see, he was reading a brand new copy and had the look of someone who hadn’t read it yet. It would have certainly ruined the entire book for him and would have really pissed him off. Why didn’t I do it then? Well, there was possibly some other commuters who hadn’t read it yet who would have been annoyed at being told a crucial part of the plotline. I was furious last year when a drunken idiot shouted out who had been killed in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. They were wrong, but I still spent the whole book being more than slightly miffed.
But it would have been great to see the look on his face.

On top of all that, I got barged out of the way on the DLR and then was leant against and had my foot trodden on in the lift up to my floor at work. No apologies from either parties.

The argument for winning the lottery and working from home continues to get stronger.

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