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So we’re all sitting there at work when new-boy John suddenly exclaims
Forty-five quid for a hair-cut! Can you believe it? I’ve been robbed!
To which we all replied Don’t have it done then!
John just looked at us all and said But I already have, this morning!
and so began the saga of the haircut that wasn’t.

John’s hair looked no different from before and so we all made comments (alright, mainly me) about the hairdresser just waving the scissors about his head, ruffling his hair and saying done. To be fair, the back of his neck looked like the hair had been cut as it was all squared off but that was about it and John didn’t think to say anything when they held up the mirror for him. Turns out that John was only in there for ten minutes and most of that time was spent with his eyes closed enjoying having his hair shampooed and his scalp massaged with the hairdressers long hair wafting in his face - until he realised it was a bloke.

After further discussion, we finally convinced John that he should go and ask for his money back, but it turns out he’s a little bit shy about doing so. Reema is as incensed as Scott and I that he paid over the odds so volunteers to be the fake girlfriend to go with him and we discuss the plan. John then decides that I should go with them as I know what to say and how to get my money back from shops (thanks Mum!)…..

How stupid is it going to look with three of us going in there to complain about your haircut? say I.
But you know what to say! says John, panic seeping into his voice. OK, how about instead of Reema, you come with me? You could be my gay lover or something!
Dude, I am not about to go to a hairdressers and pretend to be your gay lover in order for you to get your money back on a haircut where they just waved scissors at you! say I, Besides, I am well out of your league!

And so it was that Reema dragged John to the hairdressers where he looked like a suitably henpecked boyfriend/husband whilst Reema raged on at the hairdresser, who when she had finished, apologised for the upset and offered a free hair appointment, adding that they gave John exactly what he had asked for: a light trim with not much off as he likes it left long. Reema turned on John with a face of thunder and said (through gritted teeth)
You mean to tell me that you asked them to take not much off and when you realised that you had paid £45 for this that you thought you should complain?
*sheepishly*  Yes.
You idiot! Come on!
And with that she thanked the hairdresser and dragged him out of the shop and back to the office.

Popularity: 15% [?]

Yes, it’s been happening for a while, but I can finally tell you when I noticed that I was old. It was on Saturday 3rd March 2007 at approximately 2100.

Damon & Lydia held a St. David’s Day Party at their flat. The idea was for everyone to wear Welsh costume or similar. As I like to get into the spirit of these things, I duly purchased a nice polyester shirt made out of two copies of the Welsh flag and duly changed my name to Gildas (it means Servant of God and is the closest Welsh name to John which means Gift from God, Jehovah has given or God is forgiving. As is usually the case when I attend such parties, I was the only one who had made an effort. Lydia is Welsh, which is apparantly enough, Damon was wearing a small fabric leek badge on his shirt and Kevin had a whacking, great-big-circumcised leek on a string around his neck. Everyone else was dressed up in clubbing gear and so I looked like a numpty. Again. Tidy.

Anyway, music was playing and when nobody seemed to care very much, I changed the CD for the Minstry of Sound Funk-Soul Classics and put on Cameo’s Word Up as it’s a firm favourite with the lads. The reaction from one of Lydia’s friends?
Ooooo, how very retro!.
Retro? say I. This is classic. I remember when it came out!
When was that then?
1986.
I was two.
I was twelve. Pants.

That was just the beginning. Turns out I would also much rather go to a nice restaurant and have a meal and some wine with good friends than go to a party at a house with loud music, weird cocktail’s and sit around trying to hold a conversation. When did that happen? Apparantly when I got old. Oh, boy!

Popularity: 11% [?]

Ok I except it, I’m getting old!

At 28 I’ve got one or two grey hairs creeping in and the odd crazy long eye brow. Although to be honest these things don’t really mean your getting old, I mean I had a mate who pretty much went bald at 17!! No, what really makes me realise my advancing years is the discovery that nothing today is as good as it was when I was a kid.

The list is as long as my arm and ranges from things like films (tell me the late 70’s, 80’s were not the best cinematic era since talkies came in and replaced silent movies… go on, then prove it!) to the toys. Ok so they were not as advanced as they are now but I’ll take my scrawny looking Luke Skywalker over the body builder he’s now become! Plus they were far more dangerous which for a kid is cool.

But what really brought it home to me was watching a video on youTube of the opening theme to a 70/80’s TV show. It struck me that there was nothing like this on TV at the moment nothing even close! Then I started thinking back to my old favorites, shows like:

• Knight Rider
• AirWolf
• A Team
• CHiPs
• Manimal!!!!!
• Blue Thunder
• TJ Hooker (so good I named our dog after him!)
• Starsky and Hutch
• The Professionals

I know I’m forgetting some as well! These we’re quality shows, you didn’t need to watch them religiously like 24 (although I do love that show) you could miss a week and still be right back into into because there was usually no complicated mythology just a nice formulaic episode structure sort of like:

Michael Knight drives through small town and finds small town plagued by gang of nasty bikers.

Michael Knight befriends towns person (usually a girl) and decides to help fight the bikers.

The bikers fight back.

TURBO BOOST!!!

Michael Knight wins.

The End

Simple is beautiful sometimes, things don’t always need to be so heavy and gritty!

Anyway I’ve rambled on a bit here so as a final homage to these shows here is my top three themes (in reverse order).

3. Street Hawk - So 80’s it hurts! I love the voice over “incredible speeeds up to 300 miles per hour..” never mind the bike could do that 300mph around right angle corners!!!

Oh and the lead actors name was Rex!!! Does it get any better?

2. Knight Rider - Yes it does!! The Hoff, a talking car and a kick ass theme tune.

1. CHiPs - Never mind that the theme is only 0.0001% from being 70’s pron when it starts. I remember sitting on my police bike in front of the TV watching this (I was 3!). This ones for you Ponch!!!

Pedro OUT!

Popularity: 15% [?]

So, it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything on here and there has been a really, very good reason for this. Back on Thursday 8th March I woke up early with a horrible feeling of nausea as well as the distinct impression that if I didn’t make it into the bathroom I would be in serious trouble with the wife. An hour or so later saw me calling in sick which I thought would be only for a day but, as it turned out, I was also out for the count on Friday as well. Feeling slightly better on Friday night, Jo and I went to the cinema to watch Hot Fuzz as Jo had already bought tickets towards the start of the week and it would be a shame to waste them.

When I woke up on Saturday morning, I actually felt good again, but by mid-afternoon I had a runny nose and the start of a cough. Saturday night had me experiencing some freaky dreams and in the words of Jo kicking my legs and jumping around all over the bed. When I woke up Sunday morning, I was aching all over with every single joint in my body trying to kill me, a streaming nose, dizziness and total loss of appetite. My lovely Sunday lunch (lamb) was duly put into the fridge and I was back in bed trying to sleep by 1600.

Another horrid night’s sleep saw me waking up some 18 hours later drenching in sweat and feeling even worse than the day before. This pretty much remained the case for the next two days or so when the night terrors, aching joints and muscles were replaced, on Thursday, with a hacking, mucus-ejecting cough and bad ear-ache on the right-hand side. Still, at least I finally felt like eating some chicken soup. A visit to the GP led me to discover that there was nothing that medical science could do for me as I had caught a nasty little virus that is doing the rounds at present and which absolutely nothing will shift. Duly signed-off for the rest of the week, I went home to collapse in front of the TV with all three kids as they had each started coming down with it the day before. Thankfully, Jo appears to have avoided contracting the plague at all so has been able to carry on running the house whilst the rest of us sit around, cuddling on the sofa and feeling very, very sorry for ourselves.

As it stands, I now have my appetite back, am eating properly and just have the remains of the cough and the, now much worse, ear-ache to contend with when I return to work tomorrow.

PS - No, Pete wasn’t there at Hot Fuzz because he is too busy trying to juggle his hectic schedule to actually commit to a date - with me anyway. Jo and I will probably see it again with Pete and Michelle at some point.

PPS - Yes, you did read that right. And, yes, the aforementioned Michelle is my own very dear cousin. *sigh* I’ll explain it all later.

PPPS - Happy Mother’s Day to any of you mother’s reading this.

Popularity: 10% [?]

Feeling a trifle full right now, my friends. You see I got let down for a big lunchtime eat out by Laura, so I decided to treat myself to a little Mixed Grill at the office restaurant which was today’s special. I duly got my meat on and stuffed my face for a staggering £4.50 which sadly did not include a pint of hot sweet tea.

What you see before you is a feast comprising (from the top-left in a clockwise rotation):

• Chips
• Onion Rings
• Yellow Mustard
• Heinz Tomato Ketchup
• Two Pork Sausages (hidden under O Rings)
• Grilled Tomatoes
• Gammon Steak (hidden under Toms)
• Lamb Steak
• Fried Mushrooms

All this and I still have some Parkin left over in a little box on my desk…….

Popularity: 18% [?]

Something very, very cool happened last night. But I cannot tell you anything about it.

Not yet, anyway.

Give it a few weeks.

But you are so going to squeal like a girl.

Popularity: 9% [?]